PERIMENOPAUSE
My experience and why you should knowledge up for your own wellbeing, tell your partner and educate your kids.
Perimenopause slammed me.
I noticed it at 42.
I felt off.
It wasn't depression or sleep deprivation.
It was like someone with a mower shaved off all my highs and I was left...dull.
But my son was only 1 so I put it down to sleep deprivation and all the mum things that go with that phase of life.
After it nagged away at me I saw my first of FIVE GP's.
Photo taken at one of my lowest ebbs.
By Cat Timms.
The first questions she asked: was I was getting enough exercise?
HELL NO.
Who is with a 1 and 4yo?!
The second suggested blood work.
I was iron deficient!
So what's new.
My score was 6.
The range is 35–145 mcg/dL.
They still didn't call it anaemia.
Then one night I had heart palpitations.
For SIX HOURS.
I was frozen with fear not wanting to die nor wanting to get myself to hospital because I was afraid the kids would be traumatised about where is mummy? In the hospital....
I took myself to a different GP the next morning.
My son was exclusively breastfed and as I lay there alone with monitors attached to me I felt the air in the room change.
The doctor left and there was a palpable whirr of stressed activity and discussion outside the door with several doctors.
I thought my god I'm going to die and my son is still a baby...my daughter will only just remember me....my partner won't cope...
I ended up getting tests on my heart with a cardiologist.
He knew nothing about hormonal effects on heart muscle.
The palpitations settled.
Then returned again after (what I now discover is the perfect storm of prolonged sleep deprivation, virus and dehydration).
Luckily my dad is a cardiac technician so I drove myself there for an ECG.
More than once.
At all hours.
He cleared me each time.
After another episode I went to the emergency care place.
They diagnosed PAC (Premature Atrial Contractions).
My dad reliably informed me as I wept into his shirt 'they can't kill you.'
I held onto this fact for a looong time whenever I felt health anxiety sweep me away in it's rush of spiralling madness.
I visited a new holistic GP who sorted my iron and tested various other bits of me that were giving up the ghost.
It dawned on me I should follow my holistic nature and see a naturopath but that would a. cost too much b. may not work and c. this seemed VERY medical as all parts of my body were in a shitstorm.
SO I IGNORED MY INTUITION.
Perimenopuase helps you let go of caring about others judgments and please yourself.
Plus hugging trees is good for your health.
Do it often. Get your kids to do it too.
Then the rage begun.
Followed by the tears.
For two years I cried, raged, cried, wept, fell into heaps on the kitchen floor, thought I might die of boredom as I languished at the kitchen sink and burned with hatred for all humanity.
If you read up on perimenopause with Jane Hardwicke Collings she says the rage is burning away what you've been doing that doesn't serve you and your real needs. That hot flushes are designed to ignite the INNER FIRE and support you to create a life that you really want.
Not just be a slave to others needs, manage the endless pressures of the to do list and pleasing others.
After another one or two GPs, a colonoscopy, mammogram and pelvic ultrasound (each with their unique set of gnawing symptoms which triggered health anxiety) I finally went to the naturopath.
She was the first person to HEAR ME.
I also HEARD MYSELF.
I wept for this long list.
All those scary experiences.
All the anxiety.
All the ignoring what I knew.
All the night terror, insomnia and corrosive rage I had damaged my kids with.
(my partner was a another matter :0)
All the not knowing, confusion and redirection to the wrong pathways by so called professionals.
Cycle education in a group is empowering because our shared experiences make us feel less crazy.
So I read up on perimenopause.
Scientific facts.
Spiritual facts.
I armed myself with the knowledge I deserved to have had before I got my first period.
This is why I'm an advocate for girls knowing this about themselves.
BLEEDING IS A SPIRITUAL ACT.
Our cycle is a valuable tool for self care, self compassion and a deeper connection to our intuition.
It doesn't mater what you believe.
These are undeniable facts.
Photo from EmpowHER workshop I facilitated at Wild Village Festival.
This was part of where the Body Compassion Mindset section of the Bodywise book came from.
Women reclaimed their bodies as their own and their right to fully express themselves without fear or shame.
Our girls deserve better.
They deserve to have a HEALTHIER RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR BODIES THAN WE HAD.
They deserve to be EMPOWERED IN THEIR BODY CHOICES instead of being TRAINED TO IGNORE THEM AND LET OTHERS GUIDE THOSE CHOICES.
So if you've read this far and don't know what to do:
* BUY BODYWISE A PUBERTY AND PERIOD GUIDE FOR ALL THE GIRLS IN YOUR LIFE.
* BUY ONE FOR THEIR BROTHERS, FATHERS, ANYONE ELSE I'VE LEFT OUT OF THIS LIST!
* EDUCATE YOURSELF ON THE FACTS OF CYCLES, PERIMENOPUASE AND MENOPAUSE.
* EMPOWER YOURSELF AND MAKE CHOICES THAT ARE ALIGNED WITH YOUR OWN NEEDS MORE OFTEN. NOT JUST EVERYONE ELSES.
* KNOW THIS PART OF YOUR LIFE CYCLE CAN BE HARD BUT IS ALSO A SPECTACULAR EVOLUTION OF WHO YOU ARE.
If we aren't growing we are stagnant.
We are like nature and constantly in flux, seeking to rebalance ourselves.
Perimenopause is a monumental way our bodies, spirits and club consciousness clubs together to make a point.
You are your best advocate.
Trust your gut.
Kate